If your sex life isn’t as fulfilling/thrilling/fun/satisfying as it used to be, or if, let’s just admit it… you’re bored/over it/insecure/unmotivated. You’ve GOT to do something different to have better sex right away! Sex is an essential connector with you and your partner. Don’t let the regularity of it slip away, as you may find that your connection, emotional intimacy and contentedness within the relationship also fade right along with it.
That doesn’t mean that you have to resume the routine. Sometimes even the slightest shift can make a massive difference. Here are seven ways to have better sex TONIGHT! Yes - tonight!
I know, after weeks/months/years of a sexless relationship, it can feel weird to even touch again. Approaching and barreling over that barrier can feel strange if not awkward and uncomfortable. But F**K it! Do it! Make the move. Make your relationship great again, by making your sex life better.
This might sound strange, but if you want to be good in bed, you have to be a little bit selfish. Enjoy it. I mean, really get into it, have fun and enjoy every part of it! Take in the tastes and smells. Make it a full sensory experience! Luxuriate in the feeling of your skin against his. If a certain spot feels amazing, moan!
The fact is that the more fun you’re having and the more you get into it, the better you will be, the sexier he will see you, the more he will get into it, the more he will want to please you and the better you will feel. It’s a spiral of goodness!
So what if you moan, sweat or even queef on occasion (thanks to air being pressed inside of you, especially during doggy style). Sex is an “animal instinct,” so let yourself go, stop judging yourself and just feel good. Believe me, if you are uptight, you won’t fully enjoy the experience. Sex is the opposite of rigid. It is complete and utter release.
Stop being so insecure.
Little known secret: one of the ways to automatically be “good in bed” is to be more open to different positions and just have fun with the whole thing. Allow yourself to enjoy it, even if the position isn’t flattering. Stop thinking “does this position make my butt look big?” or “If I move like this, I think it will look sexier.” Don’t move any way because you “think” it will look good, and don’t "not" move a certain way because you “think” it will look bad. Just move! He is not thinking about your cellulite, how big or small your boobs look, if you would be slightly skinnier or if your leg was angled differently. All he is thinking about is how AMAZING you feel. He will, however, notice how uncomfortable in your own skin you are acting, and then you are instantly pulling him out of how good it feels, probably making him think about your cellulite, boob size and skinniness. Throw on some sexy lingerie and go with it!
Play with toys!
Sex is supposed to be fun! Treat your partner’s body like your playground. Test your limits, explore and try new things. Add in exciting toys to change it up and add new dimension. Toys will instantly boost the fun (and orgasmic) factor of your sex life. So, don’t be shy to bring them into play!
If you are new to sex toys, don’t be afraid to bring it up to your partner. There are some people who fear that adding in an additional element might make your partner feel like they aren’t good enough on their own, but it has nothing to do with if and how well your partner satisfies you. And it definitely shouldn’t be intimidating or belittling.
It’s just one more thing to add to your treasure chest of fun options! And, let’s be honest, your partner isn’t an octopus. There is only so much that their two arms and 10 fingers, plus a tongue and sex can do. Test our nipple pinchers, butt plugs and clit massagers for even more sensation. Or maybe you like spanking but don’t want your partner’s hand to be doling out the good pain. That’s where a paddle, crop or whip comes in. Get tied up or blindfolded to up the sensations and increase anticipation - which are proven to be extremely pleasure-producing. Just try. And if one toy doesn’t feel right, then try another. And another and another. This doesn’t mean that your sex life will now revolve around sex toys and require additional stimulation to be considered good sex. Going back to the basics will be even more delicious when all you have is your skin and sweat and body parts to turn you on. The point is that you can and you will instantly have more fun if you bring in more fun things - as long as you and your partner are both on the same page and in agreement.
Communicating your likes, dislikes, fantasies, what feels good, what you want them to do, what you are open to try, what you don’t like that much, your favorite position and where and how to move. Really talk about it! I’m not saying to lecture or give a speech. But talk. Have a fun back and forth conversation about sex. Don’t be insecure or nervous about it. If you’re old enough and mature enough to have sex, you should be old enough and mature enough to talk about sex, too.
If he can’t get you to orgasm, help him! In the midst of it, you can guide him a little, give him “I like it when…” direction or “I want you to f**k me like this…” Don’t be pushy. Don’t be insulting, but help and guide.
Being great in bed is learned through practice, guidance, paying attention to the guy's sounds and moves, and body language. Not sure if you're good? ASK!
If you want to be amazing in bed, you’ve got to take notes. Ask him:
"What did you most like?"
“Did you like when I did that swirling trick with my tongue?”
“Do you like it better when I use my hands, too, or just my mouth?”
“Did you like when I cupped your balls in my hand?”
“What can I do differently, better, stop doing altogether?"
BUT, don’t ask your guy how you did or how you’re doing during or even immediately after sex. Instead, ask a few hours later, maybe at dinner, at breakfast, before falling asleep when just laying together in bed chatting at night, in a bath… somewhere that you are both relaxed, open, focused on each other and interested in communicating. Then say: “I really loved our sex today. It seemed like you liked it when I did --------. What else did you like? What about when I go down on you, what do you like the best that I do? I want to make you feel good. What should I focus on more? What don’t you like as much? I won’t get upset, I really do want to know what you like and don’t like.”
See… you start with the good, and ease into asking about the bad. The reason? He might think it’s weird at first that you want to be criticized, not realizing that it can be constructive, that you won’t get mad (DO NOT GET MAD AND USE THIS AGAINST HIM!) and that you truly would like his direction.
Here’s the key: You have to take your ego out of it.
Open your mouth!
Dirty talk - it will instantly change your sex life. More than you talking, you've got to get your guy to start talking. In fact, the guy should do 95% of the talking. How do you get him to open his mouth? Be the example. You first. The fact is that adding dirty talking into your sexual routine will allow you to orgasm longer, harder and more often! It is so powerful that once your guy really gets the hang of it, he can completely control your orgasm - telling you when and how hard to orgasm. I have another full article on how to talk dirty. Read it, repeat it.
Move! Don’t be a dead fish.
Get into it. Even if a particular position isn’t going to get you there, have fun and enjoy it. It’s like a rollercoaster ride. Some people love the drops, others the upside down, others the fast straight aways, but the whole thing can be fun. You’re not sitting there on a rollercoaster refusing to enjoy it unless it’s your favorite part, are you?
It’s a pretty commonly said thing that “hot chicks” don’t feel like they have to work at it in bad, so they are bad lays, while not-so-hot chicks are great in bed because they are trying to compensate. Same goes for hot guys. If you're needing an extra bit of motivation, try an exhilarating bondage swing!
At either rate, use whatever tactics work for you to help you have better sex. You'll both be glad you did!