Is your relationship feeling stale? Or maybe it’s pretty good, but you want to try something new, and most of the “new” positions feel more like they fit into the circus than in the bedroom.
You could also be that couple who has a great sex life and likes to add a little spice every now and then to test your likes/dislikes and boundaries. And then there are those of you who want to have better solo sex- and that’s great too! These three tips can help.
1. Sex Toys
What ever your reason to spice up your sex life (and by the way, you really don’t need a “reason” to get a sex toy), GET ONE!
As a matter of fact, get three: one that you know you will like, one that is highly rated but you don’t exactly know how it will work, and one that is dancing the line of intriguing/intimidating.
Because sex toys intensify pleasure. They are also fun! Hence the word “toy.” They give you new opportunities to play, explore, and enjoy both yourself and your partner. They get you out of your normal routine and can transform your average pump and grind into a playground of fun or, as John Mayer said – “your body is a wonderland.”
So start exploring and playing with it! Sex toys can also help you both climax faster, harder, and deeper. And here’s the thing about sex toys: if you try one and it wasn’t right for you, you can never try it again if you don’t want to. Even those experience, when you as a couple try something new and share an explorative experience together, even if it’s a #fail it can being you closer and make you feel more connected.
Because shared new experiences are an essential ingredient to deepening and strengthening relationships- as long as you are both open to being open, vulnerable, and playful.
Plus, you just might feel more aroused than you could have even imagined.
2. Talk Dirty To Me Baby
Dirty talk is the easiest way to immediately improve your sex life. A man can even control his woman’s orgasms simply by knowing exactly what to say and do, leading her to have deeper, longer, more intense, even screaming and squirting orgasms!
Yes, it can feel scary for people who aren’t used to doing it, but it’s particularly important for men to do because it helps women to get out of their heads during sex. Because let’s face it, men are visual creatures- just seeing your girl’s naked body will turn you on and turn off your mind.
Women, on the other hand, are emotional creatures- we are often stuck in our heads (yes even during sex) as we think about the errands we forgot to run, if our body looks fat in that position, or what to eat for dinner. Here’s the thing about dirty talk though: it’s EASY!
You don’t have to come up with anything clever to say. Simply say what you’re doing, what you’re feeling, what your partner is feeling, and more than that- what you want your partner to be feeling. It will instantly change your sex life.
3. Open Your Mouth: Communicate.
Your likes, dislikes, fantasies, what feels good, what you want them to do, what you are open to try, what you don’t like that much, your favorite position, where and how to move… talk about it!
I’m not saying to lecture or give a speech. But talk. Have a fun back and forth conversation about sex. Don’t be insecure or nervous about it. If you’re old enough and mature enough to have sex, you should be old enough and mature enough to talk about sex too.
If he can’t get you to orgasm, help him! In the midst of it you can guide him a little, give him “I like it when…” direction or “I want you to f**k me like this…” Don’t be pushy. Don’t be insulting. But help guide.
Then post sex, when you’re totally emotionally open and still in the sex mind set, go a little deeper. This is when you talk about what you might like to try that’s different in that… if there is something that you really like that she does, but you’d like it even more if she did it like this… you’ve always wanted to try… This is also the time to ask them what they like, what they would like even more if you did something a little different/more/less, what they have always wanted to try.
Be careful not to put them down or criticize. And it’s best to not generalize. By asking focused questions and giving focused information, you will be able to make this conversation constructive and encouraging, even fun and exciting.
About Laurel House
Laurel House is a celebrity dating and empowerment coach and television personality. She has written five books on sex, love, fashion, health, and fitness. She is regularly featured on ABC's Good Morning America, Nightline, the Wall Street Journal, Glamour, NBC's Today Show and more.